Almost in every culture or organization, there is a set atmosphere on what is acceptable or not. When you are in a society there are set norms that everyone knows to follow. We live in a society where some people misunderstand the difference between gender and sex. And because of this miscommunication, our action towards anything indifferent is seen as a threat rather than celebrating uniqueness. I believe this causes tension between the concept of gender identity. We are all born knowing what sex we are and affiliate it with who we are “suppose” to be based on societal norms from our parents, peers, politics, and media. Society has stereotyped our roles on how gender should be performed. First acknowledging, all communication is a performance and that gender and sex are not synonymous. There are ways society manipulates us to believe certain things are unacceptable and would then therefore disrupt the cultural norm. For example, colors, religion, media, professions or careers. When we are told from birth what sex we are it molds the type of lifestyle we “should” have affiliated with being a boy or girl but this does not always include the exceptions or simply what we internally want. Our views about others like gender shape the way we communicate and how we construct our own identity.
In my reflection, I will discuss what challenged my concept in gender, identity, and communication. In this course, the first thing I learned was the difference between sex and gender. Sex is defined as male or female based on private biological parts. Whereas gender is the expression of oneself. Children from birth are chosen what type of path they must take based solely on their sex. Instilling gender roles in children since birth is one of the challenges I faced when understanding gender. When growing up, I wanted to be just like my mom. She was beautiful, kind, and loving; all the things I aspired to be. I wanted to not only dress and talk like her but to be around her made me feel more like her. I was understanding gender roles from my parents. In the textbook Gender lives states, “Yet, biological theories tell us only about physiological and genetic qualities of men and women in general. They don’t necessarily describe individual men and women.” Generalizing people limits the discussion on the “others” who feel unexclusive. Before I would only consider gender as two things: masculine and feminine. In our society, we use gender to make sense of men and women differences and do not celebrate individualism.
Another lingering concept I came across is the queer theory based on same sex relationships. For example, The Sandlot characters Benjamin Rodriquez and Scotty Smalls queer platonic relationship. Queer theory argues that identities are fluid and not fixed. For instance, Scotty and Benjamin relationship maybe considered a queer platonic relationship based on their identities. Smalls is good at science and knows barely anything about baseball whereas Rodriquez is skilled and everyone respects him. The knowledge and friends is what Smalls envy’s, which makes him more dependable on Rodriquez. Rodriquez wants to be known as a hero or legend and he finds a way by helping Smalls retrieve the ball from the monster over the fence. Also, the last scene of the movie shows Smalls still very close to Rodriquez being the reporter of his baseball games in the future. This was interesting because you would think Smalls would go to college and do something with his education but instead is at Rodriguez side. Likewise, Rodriguez looks up at Smalls for reassurance and he replies with a thumbs up. This was a tough concept to grasp because naturally I wanted to disagree because of the idea of queer relationship had to be synonymous with intimacy.
How can someone have a significant amount of emotional connection towards another and not be intimate? I have to keep referring to the definition of gender and sex. In other words, sex is who we go to sleep as and gender is who we go to sleep with. My idea of sex and gender hinder me from understanding the unique relationship between two males who are heterosexual. Who am I? What do I believe in? these are the things I think about when I try to understand my identity. A person’s identity is the image someone projects to the world. One lingers concept I find hard to accomplish is me creating my identity without society biases or norms. I understand communication is continuous but being cautious I am being watched drives me to create a false reality. Can I really be my true self? I feel like what-ever I do I am always putting on a performance constantly creating “who I am” to others. How do I do communicating while being true to myself. For example, social media is a platform we use to showcase our identities by photos, quotes, and videos. Even after being aware of gender influences and how the media and politics constructs our identities I still find myself somewhat being paranoid that someone will notice I am putting on a front. My morals and ethical views were influenced by the culture I was in and by my family.
Regardless of what I do I still connect to my past because it is something familiar. To change my ways, I have to constantly remind myself to always be true to myself even if I’m being watched. The idea that men and women are different in their ability to communicate has been one of the most popular beliefs about gender differences that exists to this day. Gender and identity influences the way we communicate with one another. In a given situation women are more talkative and expressive while men are more aggressive but also less talkative. The characteristics on how we communicate is based on our gender in our society. Unfortunately, this causes a lot of miscommunication because we refer back to gender roles and personal identities. Gendered cultural norms such as emotional expression and communication styles are learned experiences from peers and family member. Specifically, conversations that children have with their peers teaches them the appropriate responses to use.
The differences in the words we use, the tone of voice, and the way we express our emotion can all cause some form of misunderstanding with communication. The way in which men and women communicate, whether through verbal or nonverbal means, can present differences in how the speaker and the addressee are perceived. Knowing what these differences are can help lessen misunderstandings and build a greater path of communication between the sexes. In conclusion, one of the most fundamental aspects of a person’s identity is gender and the way they live their lives. Communication is a part of our everyday lives. First, we have to acknowledge communication as a performance and that everyone is a part of the conversation. Gender is how we present ourselves to the world, our conversations reinforces these identities. If we see gender as role playing then we have to acknowledge it as a performance. I believe the one reason why communication, gender, and identity are important because we are all trying to find some form of belonging or comfort but celebrating individuality. communication lacks within relationships due to the misunderstanding of one’s identity. If we are unknowable about gender differences we can communicate more efficiently with others without coming across rude or insensitive.
